You did it. You fed them, ferried them around, found their shoes (constantly), and even reminded them to brush their teeth.
And now? The house is quieter…the kids have left for college—and suddenly, you’re staring into a big, beautiful (and slightly intimidating) void of time, space, and potential. Where are the binding countless calendar events, the routine, the boundaries? What’s the plan now?
It’s not the end of the road, but a long-overdue rest stop where you finally get to look in the mirror and say,
“Okay, now me. What do I want?”
You’ve Been Everything for Everyone—But Where Did You Go?
For years, your main job was Manager of the Household Hustle. You were the snack-maker, the school chauffeur, the emotional sponge, the laundry whisperer, and possibly the only person on Earth who knew where everything was at all times.
All the while, your needs were politely pushed to the bottom of the list, somewhere between “buy more dog food” and “send thank-you note to Shelly for the cookies.”
So it makes sense that setting boundaries now feels… weird.
You may start to wonder, “If I’m not needed, am I even valuable?”
(Quick answer: YES! But we’ll get to that part. Stay with me…)
The Glittery Trap
Instead of pausing for a well-deserved reset, you do what any overwhelmed woman with an internet connection does: you fill the void.
You say yes to every request—dog-sitting, bake sales, volunteering for committees you don’t even understand.
And in your downtime? You spiral into Facebook, Pinterest rabbit holes, go on retail therapy sprees, and click on those off-the-wall articles with headlines like “What Your Toenails Say About Your Relationship.”
Slow Down
Because slowing down to feel your feelings? Sounds terrifying. You stay busy—until you’re emotionally exhausted, financially lighter, and still wondering why you feel so… off balance.
That’s right—sometimes the person draining your energy and not respecting your boundaries isn’t your neighbor or your needy coworker. It’s you, doom scrolling through social media like it’s your part-time job or stress-shopping for accent furniture you don’t need and won’t use.
Every time you honor your boundaries, you send a message—to the world and to yourself—that your energy is precious and not up for grabs. And if someone’s offended that you’ve started protecting your peace?
That’s not your problem—it’s a sign your boundaries are finally working.
If you’re struggling with feeling energetically drained, or mentally scattered, check out my post on How to Shift Your Energy for simple solutions to reclaim your energy and restore mental clarity.
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt (Or Apologies!)
Repeat after me: “I am not a 24/7 support hotline.”
Contrary to popular belief, boundaries aren’t mean.
They’re instructions for how you want to be treated.
When you constantly bend over backwards for others, you end up hurting yourself in the long run.
Make this a chapter about your era of alignment; alignment with who you were, who you are becoming and who you are now!
Simple Tips & Tricks
Speak simply. Stay kind. Skip the guilt spiral.
Next time you’re boundaries are tested, try these guilt-free gems:
- “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”
- “I’m focusing on my wellness this month.”
- “No, but I hope it goes well!”
- Bonus power move: Silence. (Yes, it’s legal.)
It’s Your Turn Now—Rediscover the New You!
Rediscover the you who’s been buried under obligation, expectation, and never ending piles of laundry.
- Enough with the guilt.
- Enough with the noise.
- Enough with the fake “smiles” and the fake sales and the fake “yeses” to some random invitation that you agreed to after a late-night group chat.
This is your wake-up call. Your permission slip.
Your sacred midlife memo:
And how do you begin? With the most magical, misunderstood, and slightly terrifying tool of all: You learn to practice the power of saying NO.
5 Tips to Get You Started (And Keep You Sane)
1. Start Small, But Start Now
Say no to something tiny—like answering a text immediately. Or attending a Zoom thing that could’ve been an email. Practice your “no” like a vocal warm-up. It’ll feel weird at first, then weirdly powerful.
The book Make Your Bed by William H. McRaven highlights the power of real change comes from a small changes that become habits like making your bed each day to feel grounded and set the tone of the day.
2. Set Boundaries Like You Reset Passwords: Often
Your time and energy are premium. Treat them accordingly.
Boundaries are how you say, “I respect myself.” And if someone’s offended? That’s their work, not yours.
3. Pause Before You Please
Before you say yes,
ask yourself: “Do I want to do this—or am I afraid to disappoint someone?” If it’s the latter, you just found your opportunity to grow (and probably say no).
4. Replace the Distractions with Nourishment
Instead of doom scrolling, try journaling. Instead of online shopping for yet another candle, go outside and breathe. (Weird, I know.)
Make space for stillness. Make time to be outside in nature. That’s where your real self hangs out. That’s also where God hangs out.
Psalms 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God…”
Try this! Set a timer for 3 minutes. Close your eyes, and sit in silence, and simply listen to the sounds in the room.
If you struggle with silence, find a relaxing spa playlist or play a listening game with yourself identifying the nearest to you and sounds that are farther away. When in doubt about the whole silence thing, ask God for help.
5. Be Gentle With Yourself—You’re Learning a New Language
Remind yourself that saying no isn’t selfish. It’s sacred. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being deliberate. It’s okay if it feels strange at first. You’re shedding decades of programming. That takes guts—and grace.
Ok now that you’ve got the ball rolling, check out the following 6 sample scripts with responses for common scenarios and practice the art of saying No.
6 Real-World Scripts to Say No (without the drama)
1. When a friend wants to make plans you don’t have energy for:
“This week’s a recharge zone for me. Rain check?”
2. When your adult child wants a last-minute favor:
“I love you, but I’ve got my own thing today. Try me later this week.”
3. When someone hits you with the guilt trip:
“I hear you. And I still have to say no.”
4. When someone keeps pushing your limits:
“We’ve gone over this before—and my answer hasn’t changed.”
5. When you need to back out of something you agreed to under pressure:
“I overcommitted. I’m stepping back so I don’t burn out.”
6. When you just plain don’t want to do it (yes, that’s allowed):
“No, thanks.” (That’s the whole sentence.)
Quick Boundary Reminder
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, a long speech, or a guilt-soaked “maybe.”
Say it once. Smile if you feel like it. Then go make tea. Or dance. Or nap.
Words of Inspiration & Wisdom
“The first rule of mental health: Learn to distinguish who deserves an explanation, who deserves only one answer, and who deserves absolutely nothing.”-Author unknown
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 NIV